Jake Jasons

[Jake Jasons]

Name:Jake Jasons
Age/Year:16/6th year
House:Gryffindor
Personality:loves magical creatures will make friends with anyone who greets him and talks to him.also the way he is a good friend is because he puts a lot of protective spells around his crushes *secret who his crush is*and his friends and him bond together.In free time he feeds magical creatures and goes to the library. but beware if you get him talking he wont stop.If someone is hurting a magical creature he will do anything to stop them even if he gets expelled.
Apperence:

Role play example "lets hurt those hippogrifs"the Slytheiryns said smirking at me"not without a fightthe slythrieryn 7th year were ready to fight when."hey hey whats going on?"the care of magical creatures teacher said.no hurting hippogriffs.... petrificus totallus."Five points from each of your'e houses.""Oh still dont go around hurting poor magical creatures anymore again,"and with the anger his wana flashed and hurt all of the slytheryn boys very bad.

History:has had a lot of good things happen to him.
his dad was not in the order or DA neither was his mom he just had to be in the DA he is so good.

[Lily Evans]

Alright there are a few things you need to change ok?

Under personality, could you go into a little bit of depth? Say how he likes his classes, what his favorite class is, what he likes to do in his free time, how he adapts to friends and such.

Could you give me a history? Where was he born, what's his parents names, where has he lived his whole life, what has he done? Anything important?


Under what he looks like, could you give me a picture of him? It would be much easier for me sweetheart.

And under role-play example, see the thing is that we need a seven-ten sentence post for each thing ok? So what I want you to do is say where Jake is going, what he is going to do, the weather around him, and all of that sort of things. I know its hard for you, but could you try please?[/color]

[Jake Jasons]

i dont have any pics of him...

[Lily Evans]

well who are you going to use?

[Jake Jasons]

[Lily Evans]

ok put him in your appearance and fix all the other things i told you.

[Jake Jasons]

good enough>?

[Lily Evans]

um the role-play example has many errors. let me show you.

when you have one person say something it should be like:

"Let's hurt those Hippogriffs," the boys said, smirking.

Do you see?

"Not without a duel," he he angrily said.

See we post in third person, so there shouldn't be any I's unless it's in quotes such as:

"I love ice cream,"said Lily.

[Jake Jasons]

true ill work on that

[Lily Evans]

Sorry for making you do all of this, it's just that I don't want you to go out to role-play and other people role-play well and you have errors that they can't understand.

It's not because I don't think of you as a friend, I'm just trying to help you out. [/color]

[Jake Jasons]

i know its my mistakes

[Lily Evans]

And it's good you know that. Can you try to make your role-play example a bit more depthy. You can look at my regular role-plays to get some ideas on how yours should look like.[/color]

[Jake Jasons]

done again anything elase

[Lily Evans]

you're grammar is still wrong. the person who is saying it doesnt go in the " ", only the words the person is saying does.[/color]

[Jake Jasons]

fixed it is that all